Safe Spaces: Being a Core Part of your Loved One's Support System

Building trust so that your child will come to you when they need help or are struggling is so important. This may be challenging if you've been having difficult interactions with them for an extended period of time, but it's important to keep trying and not give up. The results are so beneficial.

Your loved one's support team may include psychiatrists, addiction specialists, counselors, sober peers and supportive friends and family. These people all work together to keep your loved one safe, keep them on track, and help them up when they fall down. Parents should be key parts of that support team so that their child feels loved and supported when their self-esteem may be low.

When my daughter first started struggling in middle school and high school, I was usually the last person she would go to, because she didn't want to let me down and/or get in trouble. It took quite a bit of time for her to learn to feel comfortable with me, as she had to experience me reacting in a positive and supportive way for a lengthy period of time before she let her walls down. This didn't actually happen until she returned from her second stay in rehab, so yes--it took a while. However, once she felt this sense of safety, I was usually the first person she came to. If she was experiencing psychosis, she would come to me and say, "my brain is telling me this..." so I could help her understand whether her perceptions were real. If she relapsed, she would tell me so that I could help her detox. Because we had this close relationship, I was able to assist her in getting earlier interventions (and a quicker recovery) than if she tried to take care of things on her own.

Sometimes it's hard to know where to start to change the dynamic between you and your child, especially when tensions have been flaring and they know how to push your buttons. Just start by remaining calm, and asking them how you can support them. They will likely walk away or say something not nice, but that's okay. Just keep doing that over and over and eventually progress will occur. They will thank you for it later.